So I went to a Holister today. No, I’m not a high school girl, thanks. My sister is though, and I forgot to buy her a stupid birthday present this year. OOH MMYY GODD, Just this One time, calm down, don’t have a cow. That was an interesting conversation at the dinner table; WHHAAT!!!? You didn’t get your sister anything for her birthday?!? Jesus Mother, chill out, I’ll get her something tomorrow; Her birthday was 4 days ago and we are just now celebrating, I’m pretty sure she’s just happy that we all remembered at all. This clearly was the best time I could think of to tell my mom that I was ditching school the next day too.
Tomorrow came and my sister and I went to Colorado Mills, because earlier that week, I had walked around and saw a Holister there. It was there, shut up. My sister was like, I'm pretty sure there is no Holister in Colorado Mills. But, I, obviously being right, said that I know I saw one, and we went. So we got there, and walked around the entire mall, just to find out that it had apparently closed down and completely vanished and had been transformed into something new between the time I was there several days earlier and the present moment. My sister started to cry because she really wanted these stupid jeans (my sister didn’t cry) and so I said I’d take her to Park Meadows because I felt like being nice. I actually just really enjoy driving while my sister cries.
We finally get to Park Meadows, and some asshole in the Eddie Bauer store came up to me and put his arm around me because apparently we went to high school together. I told him to stop snorting coke and pushed him into a sales rack. I had never seen this person in my entire life, he must have been drunk. Needless to say, I can never go into that Eddie Bauer store again; it’d just bring back bad memories. And isn’t that store for old people anyway? Turns out I Did go to high school with him as I realized several hours later. I bet he’s over it by now.
So we get to the Holister, and the god damn music was so loud that I could hardly hear myself think, let alone what my sister is saying, and I immediately wanted to die. It was dark, loud and everything was crammed in. I was very upset. Why do people shop there again?
As I was sitting there, waiting for my sister to try on 13 pairs of pants, I started to notice the people who work there. These two guys were folding some girls shirts and they were gossiping to each other as if they were on some MTV reality show. I had no idea that those people actually existed. One had weird hair too. Then the weird haired guy went over and talked on the phone for like ten minutes. Who does that? Everyone knows cybersex is the newest thing. Stupid douche.
Hey, I work at Holister, and I’m offended! Shut up, we all know you can’t read. Did you even graduate from high school?
My sister picked out some pants, and I was buying them from the stupid douche with the weird hair. It took forever, because apparently he was stupid, a douche, and slow. For some reason (I'm really lazy) I don’t ever sign my credit cards. Why would I give an example of my signature to some asshole that steals wallets? Here’s my ATM number too! So he looks at the back of my card, and asks, do you have an ID? I fumble around in my wallet just to realize that No, no I do not (refer to DMV story). So I say, No, and just stare at him with a, If you don’t give me my god damn bag I will rip your fugly face off look. He responded with, that’s ok. Here you go, and we left.
I was so unhappy that I almost shoplifted something, but then realized that A) I don’t shoplift and B) whatever I took it’d be from Holister and basically useless, so I didn’t. Maybe I'll steal something the next time when I forget about my sister’s birthday for 4 days.
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